Medical Research

New research findings: The Institute of Mediterranean Biomedical Studies has issued a new report confirming the research conducted at Ben Gurion University last year. The study, The Gravitational Pull of Ocular Musculature through Elevated Mammary Display, shows the effects of exposed cleavage on male visual targeting. Professor Itamar Ben Or, the team leader of the research project, discussed the significance of these findings in an interview yesterday:

“We hope that this information will help save millions of women from risking their lives with dangerous, costly cosmetic surgery. Why endure the pain and inherent danger of an eye lift, for example, when a good push-up bra costing less than $50 has the same effect? None of the male subjects tested even looked at the women’s eyes when the strong gravitational forces of revealed cleavage were in play.”

Ben Or admitted, however, that the same effect does not occur with female subjects.

And no, guys, this isn't true. I made it all up. However, I'm open to receiving grants to conduct my own research in the area...