Kav Imut, part 5

We're through the looking glass now, pal: Lech Walesa doesn't want to play with Nobel Prize-winner Guenter Grass anymore. Why? Grass, the long-time darling of the critical German left, and famous for his books' anti-war themes, confesses last week to being in the SS. (Yes, Virginia, that's Hitler's SS, not Social Security!) Oh, but that's not the juicy bit: a poll reveals that most Germans reacted favorably to Grass's exposé.

Continuing our left-is-right and up-is-down theme, an unidentified layout maven created this little gem of political commentary:

Don't cry for me, Venezuela: President Hugo Chavez continues to pander to the Moslem world. After his infamous "IDF = Nazi" quote, Chavez now stirs the pot with his new "charity" fund. "I ask everyone in the country to give what we can for this fundraising campaign for the reconstruction of Lebanon—destroyed by the genocidal and fascist hand of Israel, and its masters, the U.S. empire." Atta boy, Hugo. Don't let a little thing like your own country's long history of military dictatorships get in the way of some politically-opportunistic chest-beating.

Costa Rica, a long-time ally, moves its embassy to Tel Aviv in an attempt (according to President Oscar Arias) to "mend ties" with Arab countries. Arias is honest enough to admit that the driving force is economic, not political, as Costa Rica has been boycotted by Arab countries because of its friendly relations with us. This leaves El Salvador as the only country in the world that recognizes Jerusalem as our capital. Trivia question: what other country in the world does not have its capital recognized by the international community?

Sacré bleu! The French, after making light of our concerns over the safety of our northern residents, assure us that international troops will take care of everything. Then, in one of the fastest retreats since the Maginot Line, France back-pedals about contributing any soldiers to the UNIFIL forces. Only after some late-night UN meetings (in which I would like to believe that the French minister is severely beaten about the head with a stale baguette) do they agree to send 50 soldiers. Whoo-ooh! Now we can all rest easier in our beds...

Scandal central: Justice Minister Haim Ramon plans to resign Sunday over a sex scandal. Ramon is charged with (get ready for it) kissing a woman on her last day of work. Granted, it was a tacky, sloppy, unwanted kiss, and Ramon should be reprimanded, but resign? I guess Ramon didn't want to hang around with the other half dozen politicians who are currently undergoing investigations on charges ranging from abuse of power to financial wrong-doings. Trivia question: how many leaders in fundamentalist countries are ever investigated or charged with anything by their own people?

It's only another war: Ever-reasonable Yair Lapid's urge to get some perspective is now available in English. Lapid has been brutally critical of the media, particularly competing TV channels, in their inappropriate handling of the war coverage. In addition, Lapid remains one of our greatest unsolved mysteries: how does an psychotic little troll like Tommy Lapid produce a tall, handsome, articulate, and rational son? Scientists are still working on it...

It's toooooo hot: It hits 37 C in Tel Aviv yesterday (that's about 97 F for our American friends), which, when coupled with 70% humidity, translates to Hideous on the International Weather Scale. Luckily, I am able to flee Tel Aviv before I start growing gills. More drivers on the road exhibit signs of cooked brains: an underpowered van cuts me off and then wobbles uncertainly onto the shoulder; several ketusha-peepers (my term for tourists from Tel Aviv who come up north to look at impact sites and shrapnel damage), speed up and slow down, making it impossible for anyone to pass. A pickup truck spills a few dozen watermellon on the tiny excuse for a road that winds through Kfar Manda. Exhausted, hot, cranky, and starting to see double, I stop for the restorative properties of Dr. Lek's ice cream at Alonin. Diet be damned...


Home again: It is nice to be back. Nadine hozeret l'shigra (returns to normal) and relaxes in the early-morning sunlight. Gill reads the paper. I think about a workout in our nice air-conditioned gym (which reopened this week). Another lazy Shabbat with no sirens, no explosions, no dire warnings. Yes, Home Command warns us not to go near or touch any ketushot that we might find, and to report them immediately. We'll probably be finding unexploded rockets for months, if not years, to come. (People still find mines and mortar shells from the '48 war of independence, and every once in a while a cow on the Golan Heights wanders into a mine field.) But for now, all is quiet.